brandylyn_kay

i've decided that if i had the self control and determination - that i would go all anorexic (ala pre baby nicole ritchie)

i know a statement like that just screams for help and expensive therapy sessions, but really i am so so tired of the way i look currently. yeah sure i know, i'm only like twenty five pounds overweight for my body type and height ... blah blah blah

facts and reason mean nothing when you're standing next to a gorgeous boyfriend who weighs like, air. or when i know that in a mere month i'm supposed to go down and meet his friends and family back home

i mean

michael comes from park city utah. this is like, upper class people! forgive me for sounding like a wyoming native.

park city is where the rich and beautiful go to play in the snow and watch crappy indie flicks during sundance. and i'm going to look so out of place ... the very idea is horrifying. especially meeting all of michael's high school and college friends, who look like extras on the set of one tree hill. 

 ... his ex girlfriend, who he is still great friends with - looks like a fuller lipped rachel bilson clone. so unfair

and yeah i know that i have the personality to keep him and make him happy, i'm a pretty cool female. 
but i think i'd be that much cooler and more confident if i weighed about 120

seriously i have everything in the world to make me happy. i have aforementioned mr. perfect by my side to love and adore me. i have a brilliant little boy, a house, two cars, rolling balls of kitten fluff and foster dogs ...

and yet

i have these crazy dominating thoughts like 'i wish i could be locked in a room with no food for a few weeks'
ummm, hello insanity? thy name is brandylyn

i just want my outward appearance to match everything else, my blessings and personality traits

boo hissssss

last week we received news that my boyfriend michael's family would be coming to visit, all the way from park city utah. he hasn't seen them in nearly eight months so of course he was excited (and he rightly should be) but me? 

i have been a walking breathing pile of nerves

i have alot to be fearful of actually - see, (before michael) i had the misfortune of dating his older cousin corey. corey takes great pleasure in telling people awful stories about me, whether the tales or true or not he repeats them maliciously whenever possible. i have heard that i stole ten thousand dollars from him (what?!) that i cheated on him (never) that nothing i say can be trusted blah blah blah

corey has pretty much ruined my 'good name'. his drunken ramblings are really nothing more than a hurt little boy but it's gone far - far enough to reach the ears of michael's family. so for the six plus months we've known each other i've been dreading what they think about me

anyway

they're here now, his brother and sister at least

and they're fun, calm and clever. everything michael is in younger forms, oh and one female version.

it's been such fun having them here, i'll be sorry to see them go tomorrow. 

and it's amazing how happy michael is, how comfortable and complete he is. i still get to relish in his love and attention but get to see him wrestle with his brother and tease his sister

about them :

bobby is so funny. he has a rounded version of michael's face and it makes him look decidedly devious. he is always starting mock battles and torturing both older sibs with constant questions and jokes. the perfect baby brother. they call him bobba-lou and all is right with the world

stormey is calm and confidant, a lover of the movie juno and her razor cell phone. i love her makeup and though i'm a bit nervous around her i think i might ask her to share clothes that she's not fond of, style that she has ... true religion jeans = yum. she is admittedly addicted to sunflower seeds and wears moccasin slippers always 

i hope in time we get more comfortable around each other, they seem calm and cool but as always i'm afraid of what impression i will make.

thus far i think it's good, i love their big brother and that's all i've ever set out to do. 

now - the big test comes with the grandmother (who raised michael and the kids when his mother traded them for drugs) 

i have heard some horror stories about how boisterous and demanding she can be. but hopefully all we've ever heard about each other isn't all correct. i'm not going to ruin her precious grandson like she has been told and hopefully she will be kind and a welcome addition to my small circle of family and friends

wish me luck gaining her love and acceptance :]