brandylyn_kay

that translates 'awesome' to you non fabulous types 

once free of training this evening, i jumped on the internets and started calling around for apartments / houses

we've come to the conclusion that we are paying WAYYYYY too much money for where we currently reside, for numerous reasons which i will now list

- it's tiny. seriously the living room barely fits the furniture we already have, let alone the new things we'd like to purchase like a larger cage for riley snake and another place for guests to sit their bums

- our laundry sucks. we share the two machines with three other apartments and their tennants and it's impossible to finish a load. either they remove your still damp clothes from the dryer to dry their own OR they take recently washed clothes out and set them on top of the dryer ... yes on top, as in not inside to dry. as in to sit there and become cold and modly smelling
OH and it's outside, across the backyard, the laundry room i mean. boo

- we can't really have pets, which makes having wren kitty a distinct problem

- our neighbors and thier incredible bass surround sound systems suck.

end of discussion

plus we make (excuse my saying) a shit load of money

we can afford alot better than this with our joint incomes, even seperately we can get better than this pit. so with michael's upcoming bonus check we're going to jump ship

it sucks that i'm moving again, it feels like i always am on th move or between places - but it's totally nessicary and something that will just make us all the more merry :]

so begins the search for a new home, something incredible is bound to be out there ♥

my list of requirements are

- that it has a garage

- that it's under $8oo

- that it has laundry facilities

- and that we can at least pay a deposit to keep wren kitty, she's not a pet ... she's a member of our perfect family and it wouldn't BE perfect without her

wish me luck ♥

 
... seriously i feel uber retarded

you see i have a distinct and embarrassing habit of crying whenever i'm frightened. 

i can't really explain the phenomenon - it's not like i "weep", there are no gurgles or whimpers to be heard. my eyes just sort of 'leak' when i am genuinely frightened, be it by someone jumping out and shouting OOGABOOGA or otherwise. terror = tears

i'm never even really usually saddened by what has scared me, i just feel that familiar tingle of hairs rising on the back of my neck and the tears drip down over high cherub cheeks and forever smear my makeup. 

well

tonight i'm sitting by candlelight watching 'children of the grave' about orphan ghosts.

they have full video camera surveillance much like the ghost hunters program (another guilty pleasure of mine) and audio recording equipment throughout this old orphanarium - you know, the perfect site for all things creepy. it's broken down and positively menacing in it's state of neglect

the audio recordings are the ones that get me. the seemingly normal static that lingers until a metallic group of growl sounds breaks the wav. bar. and of course the shows producers take that raspy sound and add quotations across the screen like 'come play with me'

... i shiver and the tears are going wild. the front of the tee shirt i borrowed from michael is soaked with rouge tears

it's simple enough to just change the channel, but i never do. i sit here, hug my knees to my chest and watch with eyes wide open, blinking away built up tears to even see better the horror that awaits me

there have been times when i haven't cried, and i'd say nearly 99.9% of the time it's been because there was no ghost activity ... imagined or otherwise. like the time i watched ghost hunters on the queen mary ship .. not a drop came from my hazel eyes. 

curious

eventually i found out it was because the paranormal activities they were experiencing were because visitors on the ship were sabotaging the surveillance and audio recordings

i wonder if i'm some kind of 'ghost detector'

my dad's mom, who is WAYYYY WAAAAY out there in her mind has always thought that about me. since i was a baby and was caught staring off into corners and babbling in infant-speak to no one in particular

i know it sound silly, i'm not really into this stuff. really i swear i'm much more down to earth than all that mumbo jumbo

but i do know that i've walked into certain buildings in downtown cheyenne that are supposedly haunted and burst into silent tears. even without knowing the building had a reputation. 

the first time i stepped into my aunt terry's new house in loveland i cried, i cried a billion tears while she joyfully showed off the spacious rooms. months or even years later when she came to visit she would retell of objects falling mysteriously off the level fireplace mantle or pictures titling on their hanging nails ... creepy stuff.

isn't it funny the quirks some people have?

brandylyn - spirit detector at large

i think i could make a decent living going into houses and waiting for my magic to start up. ie 'it seems you have ghosts by my salty eye bleed ... can haz money for diagnosis now plz.'

*

on another note, the only reason i'm watching this terrible show is because michael is in foco (fort collins, colorado) with his cousin watching a 'greeley estates' show (who purevolume.com research shows me to be annoying screamo nonsense)

for the first time in six months we're spending most of the night apart from each other, and across state lines even! ::gasp:: 

but i'm incredibly happy that he's out having fun with his cousins, and i can't wait to hear stories when he comes home to me

thank goodness he comes home to me <3

i woke up this morning to sweet little kisses on my nose, long fingers raking my hair against the pillow sham and a tender note in his goodbye voice.

i love him dearly, and waking up like that every morning makes me a much braver, happier and thankful person.

i have never felt so settled in my skin, just happy to be me - whatever that means

still sometimes i have my crazy moments :: where i pace the house at ungodly o'clock because my anxiety is constricting all hopes of breathing, i still cry because i see an old woman alone in the mall and remember what it's like to be really really alone, i still worry that someday i won't do something right

but then, he holds me close and i just calm

even if i am always wrong, even through my psychotic moments he loves me. for better or for worse. 

i don't have to study endless books on his interests to keep a conversation with him, i don't have to always agree with him and sometimes it's enough to just be quiet and enjoy each other's nearness with no talking to suit either opinion.

i'm a very lucky girl, i know. i have a beautiful boy who adores me - i come home to love notes and scavenger hunts, a path of votive candles leading to a wonderful bed, hershey kisses all over. he thinks i'm beautiful and smart and yes (blush) even sexy. he loves my son like his own and trusts me

on that note

with michael's full support and cheerleading i quit my goddamn miserable job on friday

oh god bless

i think i surely would have snapped if i tried to stay. don't get me wrong, i maintain and cultivate my love for the store and the beautiful things within ... but the people operating and overseeing just weren't worth a few sticks of pretty furniture and glass vases.
i was handed my check and i just said simply this will be the last check i'll be needing

no harsh words, no hurt feelings. i was just done.

two hours later i was hired by two other companies

one is a floral shop, and they wanted me to start tuesday. i think it will be a relaxing and fun environment, surrounded by the beauty of nature in flower and shrubbery form. 
it doesn't pay half enough and there are no benefits though :[

so i'm going to keep it until i start classes with the cable company, which pays eleven dollars an hour for my entry level position and full health benefits

that means

- i can file for divorce from tristan, finally. i VOW i will not see three years married to this awful man (which will be in august, so easy enough to divorce him and avoid that miserable anniversary)
i have been holding off on this process to keep my insurance, but with this job he will again be useless to me

- with that kind of pay and michael's joint income, we can take the world

- and also, in time (about another year) we can make our own REAL engagement, save for a wedding and honeymoon and a home

i began my relationship with michael a mess, a broken toy if you will, a woman scorned by all with nothing to provide or offer ...

everyone's trash became one man's treasure

and under his loving care i'm growing and beginning to sparkle as such

so to all of you who threw me away :: dismissed me as crazy, bipolar, a liar and a user

you were wrong. i just needed michael all along to reach my brandylyn potential

(thank you again for loving me angel)

 

so we're going to take the day to shop for new furniture, and i couldn't be more excited. 

allow me to explain

it's not that i require nice new things - it's that every last stick of belongings in the apartment thus far has a history, that i wish to erase. you can't move on without first being determind to leave it all behind ... and persoanlly i am ready to litterally leave it all in the trash

or set it ablaze and dance around it in pagen worship

for instance

michael is sitting quietly behind me watching the television, which coincidentally is sitting atop an entertainment center his cousin corey brought into my life when corey and i dated almost a year + ago
it's cheap, plastic board bought from walmart or similar and assembled with many stripped screws and holes

also there is the computer desk on which i type now, a present from corey also

it's not that i sit and ponder over thier bad memories, but i believe they do cause a slight dispare in the brightly lit life mcihael and i have created.

it's high time we started building the foundation for our forever, buying the jetta was step one - i'll never forget how delighted i was to sign my name next to his on the contract. but now we need to develop our love shack lol

no more cheap playwood furniture! hooray!

we're thinking something like this ::



yummy yes? keeping in mind we're not expecting to buy a house for a few more years, we need space saver stuff ... LOTS of pockets and nooks to make things function in the apartment

in other news, sent off my new penpal annie's letter. i was really excited to take on such an activity 
... i just need to find more to say and include her in

i am thinking about mailing a blank disposable camera and having her take some pictures of her town, not anything personal like family of course, that seems creepy and unsafe of me to ask ... but to see another city from someone else's POV i think would be fabulous <3

take care :]

 
work ... is slowly killing me

i hate being  the only full time person, it's not that i despise the responsibility or the hours ... what does get to me is the fact that people like loraine and holly (cute but naive little high schooler) can work for three hours, mess some or a million things up and leave me to deal with righting it all and carman's wrath

thursday morning i awoke to find i had no voice, so michael called in for me. i know he did because i could hear the answering service message on the other end (as he was lying next to me) and when i came in friday feeling refreshed ... i was ripped apart because i 'didn't call in'

ugh, it's games. i defended michael of course, saying that i was aware he phoned in on my behalf ...  and she flat called him a liar

that doesn't fly with me
so the rest of friday and all of today carman and i have been giving each other the evil eye and alternately avoiding each other

it must be nice to get paid to be a fantasical bitch :]

not to mention on friday when i did get back i was in trouble for the till being wrong on thursday, umm gee - the day i wasn't there. make sense? noooooo

on a side note i haven't been going to the gym in the AM anymore, it just wears me out and seriously i am not seeing any results. it's so frustrating, i am not huge ... but 140 on a five foot two frame really adds up. i just seem to be adding muscle ::furious:: 

michael and i were seconds away from signing the papers on this beauty ...



but we took a second to stop and breathe 

thank god we did. not that we couldn't afford the payments, because frankly we make about six grand a month between the two of us (not bad for this area) but i just don't know if that's something we want to deal with now ... and at 700 dollar monthly payments - the rest of our natural lives

i want it. i want it really really bad, i nearly gasamed all over the seat during the test drive

but really - we just bought the jetta like three months ago, and it's a really cute reliable car. it's only five years old and a good family mobile so we're going to stick with it and instead concentrate on getting another car (an rx7 hopefully, it's my dream car) or a motorcycle for our second mode of transportation.

... of course i have reserves on the crotch rocket (bike) because there is NO WAY my size nine ass is going to sit on that itty bitty bike and look as hot as i want to

nope

:D