brandylyn_kay

michael has been leaving later in the morning (by 'later' i mean five thirty instead of three am lol) to attend T3 trainer class at work ... which apparently means he has a bite of time to mess around on the interwebs befor he flies out the door ... because today i woke up to the cutest little note in my inbox <3

From : Szep

 

that translates 'awesome' to you non fabulous types 

once free of training this evening, i jumped on the internets and started calling around for apartments / houses

we've come to the conclusion that we are paying WAYYYYY too much money for where we currently reside, for numerous reasons which i will now list

- it's tiny. seriously the living room barely fits the furniture we already have, let alone the new things we'd like to purchase like a larger cage for riley snake and another place for guests to sit their bums

- our laundry sucks. we share the two machines with three other apartments and their tennants and it's impossible to finish a load. either they remove your still damp clothes from the dryer to dry their own OR they take recently washed clothes out and set them on top of the dryer ... yes on top, as in not inside to dry. as in to sit there and become cold and modly smelling
OH and it's outside, across the backyard, the laundry room i mean. boo

- we can't really have pets, which makes having wren kitty a distinct problem

- our neighbors and thier incredible bass surround sound systems suck.

end of discussion

plus we make (excuse my saying) a shit load of money

we can afford alot better than this with our joint incomes, even seperately we can get better than this pit. so with michael's upcoming bonus check we're going to jump ship

it sucks that i'm moving again, it feels like i always am on th move or between places - but it's totally nessicary and something that will just make us all the more merry :]

so begins the search for a new home, something incredible is bound to be out there &hearts;

my list of requirements are

- that it has a garage

- that it's under $8oo

- that it has laundry facilities

- and that we can at least pay a deposit to keep wren kitty, she's not a pet ... she's a member of our perfect family and it wouldn't BE perfect without her

wish me luck &hearts;

with a backpack full of sunblock lotion and cheezit snacks, a full tank of gas and our stunna shades on ... we made the journey south to the denver zoo and all it's wonders

michael dutifully played the role of photographer with our newly purchased digital cam, even documenting our way out of town by snapping shots of the construction along i-25. and after learning that we could store five hundred photos, who would dare stop us?

once in sight you could see the child like amusement pass over both our faces, for certain we were more pleased than leigh - who sat quietly in his car seat and munched away unaware of the day ahead of him. we parked in this total underground layer reserved for zebras (the parking garage mascot) and people foolish enough to arrive after nine :]

and so we walked up and out of the garage towards the entrance, and i personally was dazzled - by the sunshine (it happened to be an unseasonal 72 degrees) by the people and just the overall atmosphere. i genuinely felt like a child. colors!

so in five hours of alternately pushing leigh in his stroller and sometimes taking him out to hold both our index fingers and prance along beside us, we saw it ALL

all in all it was a most perfect day spent with the world's most beautiful boys

and leigh behaved the whole day, so celebratory dance there. we didn't intend to stay so long (10:30 til about 4) but he stayed the course and kept his manners. proof positive that he's growing up and i need not always fear his firecracker attitude in public

we were constantly complimented on what a sweet little family we are and it made my heart swell - that i was blessed enough to yes indeed have the perfect family and enjoy such a rare experience with them. 

when we'd had our fill of the crowds and zoo smell we plodded back towards our zebra parking garage, with leigh's stroller newly weighted down with kettle corn and iccee drinks. heavy legs crawled back into the jetta and navigated home - only becoming lost once when mysteriously we ended up on interstate 70 instead of i-25 ... eventually though all was righted and we came home 

exhausted but completely happy <3

i woke up this morning to sweet little kisses on my nose, long fingers raking my hair against the pillow sham and a tender note in his goodbye voice.

i love him dearly, and waking up like that every morning makes me a much braver, happier and thankful person.

i have never felt so settled in my skin, just happy to be me - whatever that means

still sometimes i have my crazy moments :: where i pace the house at ungodly o'clock because my anxiety is constricting all hopes of breathing, i still cry because i see an old woman alone in the mall and remember what it's like to be really really alone, i still worry that someday i won't do something right

but then, he holds me close and i just calm

even if i am always wrong, even through my psychotic moments he loves me. for better or for worse. 

i don't have to study endless books on his interests to keep a conversation with him, i don't have to always agree with him and sometimes it's enough to just be quiet and enjoy each other's nearness with no talking to suit either opinion.

i'm a very lucky girl, i know. i have a beautiful boy who adores me - i come home to love notes and scavenger hunts, a path of votive candles leading to a wonderful bed, hershey kisses all over. he thinks i'm beautiful and smart and yes (blush) even sexy. he loves my son like his own and trusts me

on that note

with michael's full support and cheerleading i quit my goddamn miserable job on friday

oh god bless

i think i surely would have snapped if i tried to stay. don't get me wrong, i maintain and cultivate my love for the store and the beautiful things within ... but the people operating and overseeing just weren't worth a few sticks of pretty furniture and glass vases.
i was handed my check and i just said simply this will be the last check i'll be needing

no harsh words, no hurt feelings. i was just done.

two hours later i was hired by two other companies

one is a floral shop, and they wanted me to start tuesday. i think it will be a relaxing and fun environment, surrounded by the beauty of nature in flower and shrubbery form. 
it doesn't pay half enough and there are no benefits though :[

so i'm going to keep it until i start classes with the cable company, which pays eleven dollars an hour for my entry level position and full health benefits

that means

- i can file for divorce from tristan, finally. i VOW i will not see three years married to this awful man (which will be in august, so easy enough to divorce him and avoid that miserable anniversary)
i have been holding off on this process to keep my insurance, but with this job he will again be useless to me

- with that kind of pay and michael's joint income, we can take the world

- and also, in time (about another year) we can make our own REAL engagement, save for a wedding and honeymoon and a home

i began my relationship with michael a mess, a broken toy if you will, a woman scorned by all with nothing to provide or offer ...

everyone's trash became one man's treasure

and under his loving care i'm growing and beginning to sparkle as such

so to all of you who threw me away :: dismissed me as crazy, bipolar, a liar and a user

you were wrong. i just needed michael all along to reach my brandylyn potential

(thank you again for loving me angel)

 

so we're going to take the day to shop for new furniture, and i couldn't be more excited. 

allow me to explain

it's not that i require nice new things - it's that every last stick of belongings in the apartment thus far has a history, that i wish to erase. you can't move on without first being determind to leave it all behind ... and persoanlly i am ready to litterally leave it all in the trash

or set it ablaze and dance around it in pagen worship

for instance

michael is sitting quietly behind me watching the television, which coincidentally is sitting atop an entertainment center his cousin corey brought into my life when corey and i dated almost a year + ago
it's cheap, plastic board bought from walmart or similar and assembled with many stripped screws and holes

also there is the computer desk on which i type now, a present from corey also

it's not that i sit and ponder over thier bad memories, but i believe they do cause a slight dispare in the brightly lit life mcihael and i have created.

it's high time we started building the foundation for our forever, buying the jetta was step one - i'll never forget how delighted i was to sign my name next to his on the contract. but now we need to develop our love shack lol

no more cheap playwood furniture! hooray!

we're thinking something like this ::



yummy yes? keeping in mind we're not expecting to buy a house for a few more years, we need space saver stuff ... LOTS of pockets and nooks to make things function in the apartment

in other news, sent off my new penpal annie's letter. i was really excited to take on such an activity 
... i just need to find more to say and include her in

i am thinking about mailing a blank disposable camera and having her take some pictures of her town, not anything personal like family of course, that seems creepy and unsafe of me to ask ... but to see another city from someone else's POV i think would be fabulous <3

take care :]